DT: Travel & Living Journal

Archive for the ‘Feelings’ Category

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Stop for a while for crapping section before continue with another blog on Scotland trip. My sis asked me,Jie, why you like to write all those things about yourself and let all the people see?” “Well, u know I had STM which I scare one day if I really forget everything, at least I still got this blog to remind myself how my life was”, this is what I told my sis.. While blogging on my Scotland Trip part 4, i was chatting with one my ex-classmate. He told me he already resign and now back to hometown. It was a really shocked to hear it but this was his decision. In our conversation, I told him hard for me to make decision either to work in KL or stay at hometown and work here. I was really struggle with this for the past few days. Before I went back to KL last few days, I was being asked by my friends about this decision. In between, she had asked me the most important question which was “FOR WHO”. I told her the answer but is that the real answer truly from my heart? I wonder…
Back to my conversation with my friends. He told me that “we are not live for ourselves. Every decisions that we made, we need to count. We had to consider everyone surrounding us especially our parents. We can’t be selfish. Sometimes, we were being forced to do the things that we don’t like.” But what to do. This is life. Even sick with our life, we still need to continue. That’s why I named this post as “Untitled”. This is a song title sang by Simple Plan. Simple Plan always write a meaningful lyrics like Perfect. My friend had put some of the lyrics as his MSN display message. I also feel want to scream sometimes but I can’t. Can’t find the suitable places to scream as loud as I want. When think back of this, there was a moment where I scream so loud and it was at Pulau Redang. It was nightime that moment where my friends and I was chit chat while looking to the blue night sky filled with lots of twinkling stars. Sometimes, wish the Lord can show me the right path for me to choose the better choice of my life.. What can I said? This is life.

Pulau Redang trip 2 years ago. How times pass so fast???

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If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I’d roll out of bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted and go
Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I’d kick it with who I wanted
And I’d never get confronted for it
Because they’d stick up for me

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
If I were a boy

I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone its broken
So they thinkthat I was sleeping alone
I’d put myself first
And make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’d be faithful
Waiting for me to come home (to come home)

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say its just a mistake
Think I forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

But you’re just a boy
You don’t understand (and you don’t understand)
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you’ll wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you’ve taken her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
But you’re just a boy
I heard this song inside the car while waiting for my friends. This song touch my heart and I fell in love for it for the first time I heard. When I look into the lyrics, it is really meaningful especially to all the guys out there…Try to understand gals especially bout their feelings..

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This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)

This song is adapted from Mariah Carey with the title “Bye Bye”.

It had been one of my favourite song before I leave to UK. I love this song because at that moment, gonna leave all my beloved one; my family, friends and special one. Well, when I see the lyrics, it seems like unsuitable.

However, I can’t believe I gonna dedicated this song to my beloved dog, Monica, a German Shepherd dog. When I reach home, I received bad new from my siblings. My bro told me that we lost someone part of my family. I was damn shocked that time. Then, my sis said it wasn’t a human being. I asked them izzit our dog. My bro said “Yes, jie”. I damn sad. I can’t believe lost Monica when I was in UK. She had been with my family for almost 7 years. The next 2 days, my mom told me that the cause of her death was food poisoning. My tears drop for the second time.

This is one and only picture that we had. I’m gonna miss the moment that I brought her for a walk. Now left Mona alone. She must be lonely without you. Rest in peace, my dear Monica.

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This few weeks really quite disappointed with what happens. Seems like everything change. The most obvious is human attitude. The person that I knew for 4 years plus totally change after study here. What are the reasons behind? I really wish that I knew what happens. After listen to Kai Wee and Hui Xiang advise, I realise that every human being will change. I should accept that fact as I will change too. Yes, I change a lot. My emotional become unstable compare to the moment where I study at TARC. Sometimes, I need to put a fake smile in front of my friends to hide my sadness and dissapointment. I realise that friendship that being created for almost more than 4 years will fade away soon. I really sad with what happen but what can I do? All I can do just let it be. How I wish all my ji mui was by my side? At here, there is no one I can talk to even my own family members. I know it’s sound silly as family members are the closest person to me but I really don’t want them to worry about me. During study at TARC, I will talk with my ji mui especially Kai Wee, Jenny and purplefish about my problems. I don’t know why when with them, I feel comfortable to talk with. I really miss them.

Today, when I went window shopping with Kai Xin, I told her that many things to worry about. Sometimes I just don’t understand why should I worry so many things. I’m such a foolish and idiot. I keep telling myself “Diana, don’t think too much. Concentrate on the study and get better result for my parents”. However, I failed. I keep thinking thinking and thinking. There is a moment where I forget to have my dinner and even my lunch on the next day. It’s really foolish of me. But what to do, I had stupid brain that keep thinking of stupid things. Life is really hard. I even cry few times but the most probably scary moment was I cried without knowing the reason why. There is one night where I about to sleep, suddenly my tears drop and I start to cry. That moment, I try to figure out what happens by the way.

Assignments assignments, it makes my life miserable. I really hate assignments. Somemore writing reflective is like commit suicide. I hate that subjects but I being forced and pretend that I like that subjects. I never study till 7 am until I met reflective writing. I really miss TAR College especially the library. There is so many things that I like to mention but due to private and confidential, I just “save” in my heart. Haiz, life life life…Hope tomorrow will be a better day. Thanks Kai Xin for cheering me up. 😀

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Unexpected i will enter to this website and start to write blog. Since when I start to get interest with writing blog. I think when I want to tell something to someone but I dun dare even my close friends. I really sorry for not telling u, my dear friends coz I really dunno how to expressed it out from my heart.

Start with my favourite past times, sure will be music. “No Music, No Life” or what can I said “World Without Music is Suck”. Recently, there are many of my favourite music such as Clumsy from Fergie and Apologize by Timbaland feat. One Republic.

But till now, my favourite songs still are Just So You Know and Because You Live from Jesse McCartney, Chasing Cars and Fire Signal from Snow Patrol and Home from Daughtry. Should go to download those songs and listen to it especially Home, it was a meaningful song.

Talking about my life. Recently i feel very down. Feel like I was lost. Dunno where had I been. I try to find myself. I was blur about the ACCA exam. Should I take next year June sitting or wait till I come back from UK?? I really damn lost and tension for this matter. Apart from that, there is someone that makes me feel lost and makes me want to think of that person everyday and night.



  • ken: >so cool ah the miniature world.. gotta admire the precision and accuracy of the structures :)
  • Diana Diane Teo: >CathJ and ladymariah - Thanks so much! =)
  • Diana Diane Teo: >Armstrong - Although quite sad because it comes to the end, but I am quite happy to see it ends with good ending. :)Sailor - Thanks for the compli