DT: Travel & Living Journal

Archive for the ‘Feelings’ Category

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All my nerves nervous like hell and freeze like living in iceberg”

Today, 2pm, somewhere around nearby Port View Seafood Restaurant, this is my first time formal interview. Lots of questions being asked. Hopefully can get this job.

Funny pix from my ji mui, makes me feel relief 😀

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It’s been so long long long that I had to made the hardest decisions. Making decision, it is the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do. Even the harder decision need to make by Guci either where she need to hide when we want to catch her. Sometimes at night, it is hard for me to fall asleep. Feeling like insomia is coming back to my side. These decisions are critical as they will affect my future.
First, where should I work? I think I had talked about this before in my previous blog. I had asked lot of opinions from my fellow friends; is it better for me to stay back at home or go back KL for work? Of course, there are strength and weakness between these 2 choices, or else I won’t be thinking for damn long. Well, let’s start with Kota Kinabalu. As most of my friends said, it is better to stay at home which filled with lots of love and warm heart dearest family. Besides that, I can even get the chances to gain lots of saving as accomodation provided, foods being prepared, transport also included. All seems so perfect but I feel like exploring something new and challenging will be less compare in KL. How if I choose Kuala Lumpur to start my working life? Gosh! Saving will be less. Accomodation self payment, transport not included and not provided so need to take public transport such as LRT and Rapid KL which crowded with people, and not forgeting most of the time will be craving foods outside which is not healthy. But from this, independent is what I earn, more challenge is what I will face and gain more experience. Working is no need the thing I need to consider. My ACCA class is also one of the reason behind.

Second, my third convocation, SHU convocation. It was a huge shock to my friends when I told them that I want to join because before I get my result, I had already made up my mind that I will not join SHU convo due to some reasons. Even after receive result and even some of my friends persuade me to join them, I also reject it. Until recently I received mail from SHU that I haven’t giving any answer whether I will join or not. From that point, I felt like if I didn’t join, maybe someday in future, when I holding one of my friend’s SHU convocation picture, I will regret and blame myself that time for not joining. Thanks to Angliea too for your advise. She said “This is one of in a lifetime”. I just remember that time would not turning back for us. I’m glad that my dad also support me to join.

Fuuhhhh!!! It is really hard to made decisions but I think I had already got the answer in my hand.

Life is something that we can’t predict. It wants us to make decision but never give us the final answer.

Guci is sleeping under the chain again

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Gonna start a new chapter again on this new year. Did I make a list what I wanna do, what should I do or what would I do this for this year of 2009? Nope. I am a person who will do something without writing a list on a memo. Coz I am a person who is hardly tend to achieve what had I planned. This year new year eve celebration kind of dull and lame. At first, I had planned to celebrate my friend’s birthday and after that, we plan to go clubbing. Ermmmm…I’m not those type of gals who like to hang out in those type of places but sometimes need to enjoy myself and open my eyes widely. But this year, I didn’t make it. Just chilling at home, watching the new Hong Kong drama series. The funny thing was my puppy, Guci sitting beside me and watching with me. Hahahaha..
Till now, I still can’t find my direction. I still making choices of my future. Should I stay at my home sweet home or proceed over to KL? Recently I found myself in abnormal condition. Well, I means was I very easy get angry. Sometimes even get frustrated.
Now, just chill out at home. Wait for my friends to call me and date me for movie. I really obsessed with movies recently. Plan to find part time job like cashier, or work at supermarket. If my mom know this, sure she will bising-bising again. By the way, congratulation to my friend, Aaron Lim for your further study of Master back in UK. While chatting with you, I felt like I miss UK life. Suddenly, Netto, H&M, Primark, KH, Moor Street flow in my mind. I had planned with my friend that if I unable to pass my ACCA within this 3 years (touchwood, touchwood), then I will continue study Master in UK.

Primark, not at Sheffield but at Wales..

P/S: My life in UK especially on the trip and Europe trip will be post soon. Really miss those days. Have a great day to blog readers.

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Stop for a while for crapping section before continue with another blog on Scotland trip. My sis asked me,Jie, why you like to write all those things about yourself and let all the people see?” “Well, u know I had STM which I scare one day if I really forget everything, at least I still got this blog to remind myself how my life was”, this is what I told my sis.. While blogging on my Scotland Trip part 4, i was chatting with one my ex-classmate. He told me he already resign and now back to hometown. It was a really shocked to hear it but this was his decision. In our conversation, I told him hard for me to make decision either to work in KL or stay at hometown and work here. I was really struggle with this for the past few days. Before I went back to KL last few days, I was being asked by my friends about this decision. In between, she had asked me the most important question which was “FOR WHO”. I told her the answer but is that the real answer truly from my heart? I wonder…
Back to my conversation with my friends. He told me that “we are not live for ourselves. Every decisions that we made, we need to count. We had to consider everyone surrounding us especially our parents. We can’t be selfish. Sometimes, we were being forced to do the things that we don’t like.” But what to do. This is life. Even sick with our life, we still need to continue. That’s why I named this post as “Untitled”. This is a song title sang by Simple Plan. Simple Plan always write a meaningful lyrics like Perfect. My friend had put some of the lyrics as his MSN display message. I also feel want to scream sometimes but I can’t. Can’t find the suitable places to scream as loud as I want. When think back of this, there was a moment where I scream so loud and it was at Pulau Redang. It was nightime that moment where my friends and I was chit chat while looking to the blue night sky filled with lots of twinkling stars. Sometimes, wish the Lord can show me the right path for me to choose the better choice of my life.. What can I said? This is life.

Pulau Redang trip 2 years ago. How times pass so fast???

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If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I’d roll out of bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted and go
Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I’d kick it with who I wanted
And I’d never get confronted for it
Because they’d stick up for me

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
If I were a boy

I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone its broken
So they thinkthat I was sleeping alone
I’d put myself first
And make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’d be faithful
Waiting for me to come home (to come home)

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say its just a mistake
Think I forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

But you’re just a boy
You don’t understand (and you don’t understand)
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you’ll wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you’ve taken her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
But you’re just a boy
I heard this song inside the car while waiting for my friends. This song touch my heart and I fell in love for it for the first time I heard. When I look into the lyrics, it is really meaningful especially to all the guys out there…Try to understand gals especially bout their feelings..

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This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)

This song is adapted from Mariah Carey with the title “Bye Bye”.

It had been one of my favourite song before I leave to UK. I love this song because at that moment, gonna leave all my beloved one; my family, friends and special one. Well, when I see the lyrics, it seems like unsuitable.

However, I can’t believe I gonna dedicated this song to my beloved dog, Monica, a German Shepherd dog. When I reach home, I received bad new from my siblings. My bro told me that we lost someone part of my family. I was damn shocked that time. Then, my sis said it wasn’t a human being. I asked them izzit our dog. My bro said “Yes, jie”. I damn sad. I can’t believe lost Monica when I was in UK. She had been with my family for almost 7 years. The next 2 days, my mom told me that the cause of her death was food poisoning. My tears drop for the second time.

This is one and only picture that we had. I’m gonna miss the moment that I brought her for a walk. Now left Mona alone. She must be lonely without you. Rest in peace, my dear Monica.

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This few weeks really quite disappointed with what happens. Seems like everything change. The most obvious is human attitude. The person that I knew for 4 years plus totally change after study here. What are the reasons behind? I really wish that I knew what happens. After listen to Kai Wee and Hui Xiang advise, I realise that every human being will change. I should accept that fact as I will change too. Yes, I change a lot. My emotional become unstable compare to the moment where I study at TARC. Sometimes, I need to put a fake smile in front of my friends to hide my sadness and dissapointment. I realise that friendship that being created for almost more than 4 years will fade away soon. I really sad with what happen but what can I do? All I can do just let it be. How I wish all my ji mui was by my side? At here, there is no one I can talk to even my own family members. I know it’s sound silly as family members are the closest person to me but I really don’t want them to worry about me. During study at TARC, I will talk with my ji mui especially Kai Wee, Jenny and purplefish about my problems. I don’t know why when with them, I feel comfortable to talk with. I really miss them.

Today, when I went window shopping with Kai Xin, I told her that many things to worry about. Sometimes I just don’t understand why should I worry so many things. I’m such a foolish and idiot. I keep telling myself “Diana, don’t think too much. Concentrate on the study and get better result for my parents”. However, I failed. I keep thinking thinking and thinking. There is a moment where I forget to have my dinner and even my lunch on the next day. It’s really foolish of me. But what to do, I had stupid brain that keep thinking of stupid things. Life is really hard. I even cry few times but the most probably scary moment was I cried without knowing the reason why. There is one night where I about to sleep, suddenly my tears drop and I start to cry. That moment, I try to figure out what happens by the way.

Assignments assignments, it makes my life miserable. I really hate assignments. Somemore writing reflective is like commit suicide. I hate that subjects but I being forced and pretend that I like that subjects. I never study till 7 am until I met reflective writing. I really miss TAR College especially the library. There is so many things that I like to mention but due to private and confidential, I just “save” in my heart. Haiz, life life life…Hope tomorrow will be a better day. Thanks Kai Xin for cheering me up. 😀


    • ken: >so cool ah the miniature world.. gotta admire the precision and accuracy of the structures :)
    • Diana Diane Teo: >CathJ and ladymariah - Thanks so much! =)
    • Diana Diane Teo: >Armstrong - Although quite sad because it comes to the end, but I am quite happy to see it ends with good ending. :)Sailor - Thanks for the compli